i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
