She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
