ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize