I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
