Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
