I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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