Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize