i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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