from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
me + whiskey = a bad person
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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