my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
