omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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