Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
