How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
