he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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