shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
