I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
