Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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