it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
