Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
