If that was your dad, he is hot
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
