wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize