He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
