this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
