ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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