I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
