The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
