so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
