My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
