It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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