Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
