He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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