thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
