I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
