and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
