Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
