We're like a lot better than the average bears
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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