More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
