I wanna passion pit in your ass
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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