I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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