ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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