A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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