he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
