Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
