i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
