I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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