there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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