go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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