you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize