When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
