Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
