you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
