God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no, he came in my armpit
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
