but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
