Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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