I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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