singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
