I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
