Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
