so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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