When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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