You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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