I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
