i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
