she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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