Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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