He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pants are for mortals
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
