Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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