He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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