We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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