Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
