when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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