Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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