not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
