you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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