i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
