Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
