So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
