As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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