I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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