I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
