Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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