i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want to be your penis for a week.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
