when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
