I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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