I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
