grandma shit on top of the toilet
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
