so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry about my life...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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