Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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