there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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