Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
