my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
