Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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