Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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