I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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