i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
