based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
