If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
