After last night, I could never be a politician.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
