Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
