It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
