I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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