So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Panties = found
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
