Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
