Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
